Episode 8: Teenage Love Affair

As we sing the lullaby, I'm just looking for the one who's more than right. Momma said she is somewhere in my sight. Don't make sense cause all I dated were nothing but lies. A dream and a wish is all I got, and I was wondering would you still be down to ride. See I love boojee women I ain't gotta lie, but I have to move on cause babe I'm tired.

Recharged ipod, I feel much refreshed to continue my long journey. How long will this energy last? I'm not too much worried about that. I just want to get it all out so I can start fresh on life. I realized life is really peaceful on the outside. Keeping so much caged in, you feel everything around moving so fast that you can't notice how relaxing the wind feels, or how clear the skies are. I can really appreciate the smaller things in life. You know that it's kind of sad, that when you are elder and know that your time will come soon to be with God, you begin to notice the little things in life. It's true.

My walk on campus, and I press play....and the song that reminds me of her plays.......

I remember when we 1st met. You were talking up a storm lol. I guess you were flirting with me, I don't know. After that day, I didn't know that we would ever speak or see each other ever again. The next day, your friend, who is also my friend told me that you thought I was cool. I was determined to find you on myspace. That was the time myspace was a legit website lol. It wasn't until towards our graduation month when I would find you again.

Talking to you, made me realized how much of a down to earth person you were. I began to like you. Our first date, was having lunch at McDonalds. lol romantic right? I will never forget, asking you out for a second date. Although I can't fully remember what we did, I just remember how my stomach felt when I asked you that day.

After a while, I felt kinda confident that we would be together, then you go back to your ex. I knew that you still loved him, and I told you that I'm happy for you. And I was. Our friendship/relationship was something so special and unexplainable. It's as if when we are not talking for a long time and reunite, something happens between us. I kind of came a conclusion, that I like you and you like me. We just never made us official. I'm okay with that. For now.

For some reason, I think we will be together in the near future. It's only meant to be. Our time just hasn't came yet. You can feel it. I can tell in our conversations, that you think the same. Right?  I often think of you, I see you on fb. I want to write you sometimes, but I'm not ready yet. I'm glad that when we hang out we both have a great time. It kind of makes me think about life in the future, just being an adult. I guess I'm not ready to grow up, if we haven't made us official yet.....But only in our moments together, I feel like I am ready.

I had to rewrite this part over because I wasn't satisfied with the lyrics.
this isn't a poem to be exact, I'm just hoping that while you read this, you can feel it.
How do I say what I feel about you without running you away?
I really like you but who knows what things may stay.
Will we ever get the chance to experience a relationship beyond just friends?
I know that you are living your life on one side and I'm living mine too.
We seem to reunite in the center where life seems cool.
What should we do about this? One thing I kind of regret
is never having our first kiss. I guess I'm too afraid.
Because I feel that things will never be the same.
For the better or for the worse?
Will it be a gift or will it be a curse?
Maybe you should kiss me first, I know it's the guy's job.
But I don't want to come at you like a jerk.
Love does hurt, we both know it first hand.
When I'm around you, I feel like I'm slowing becoming a man.
That God wants me to be. I have a different outlook on life.
For once I feel free.  Our next encounter will come soon, it always does.
We catch up on things and the question will definitely come up.
You will say, I can see myself in a relationship with you and I will say the same.
But for some reason, our relationship status never changed.
I know that well will be together. Or that's what I think will come.
I'm going to keep my heart towards the sun, and see where it will lead me.
Maybe to you. We'll see. Take care for now. until we meet again.
We are too far from the beginning and too far from the end.

Love, Live, Life

:::Byron Belle:::

Episode 7: Low Battery

I think I must be dreaming, that you are here with me. Must have died and gone to heaven, and it's all that I hoped it would be. When the eagles forget how to fly, when it's twenty below in July. And when violets turn red, and roses turn blue. I'd be still in love with you.


I guess it's time to take a break from the exes. My ipod is about to die. I guess it was something I needed anyways. I was almost at the point where I wouldn't be able to smile again. What's the point of smiling when you're all alone in this world?  Even the person with the biggest family feels alone. I gotta feeling that's gonna be a famous quote. It's true. Every day, I try to envision myself in the future with someone who is way beyond my expectations. Maybe the one I'm supposed to be with, has been in my face the whole time.  When I was dwelling on the past, I was thinking about the things I told my exes, and the things they told me.  I wonder if I really meant every word.  Well it doesn't matter, because it can't be proven anymore.

Forever is a scary word, can I really see myself with her forever? I don't know. I do know that at the moment I am with her, forever seems perfect until she's no longer there. I don't think I can believe it when a girl tells me forever. I realized that forever now has an expiration date. I'm pretty sure a lot of people can relate to it. The way I feel right now.....I just wanna get through college and live life peacefully until that special person comes in my life. Because I don't wanna get hurt again. I've been hurt too many times. I am happy when I don't have fear in heart that the one I care about dearly is out somewhere cheating on me, losing her feelings for me, or likes someone else.

I'm at the age where I just wanna live life how I always envision before the lost of love came into my life. I know most people wanna be famous, rich, and all the good stuff. But me, I wanna change the world without all the world on my back. I want my 15 seconds of fame for my accomplishments then I just wanna live life like everyone else.  Finally made it back to my place. Charging the ipod. Now I'm laying here, staring at the ceiling.

Can I Live? What all do I need to Live?
Money? Cars? Clothes? The finer things in life?
I just wanna live my life right. Whatever that may be.
I realize I see things, that most people can't see.
Like the red rose that grew from concrete.
Or like the feelings I feel that's within me.
I question so many things, that I never know the answer to.
How can a girl I barely know, say I love you.
Within weeks, I too was in love.
I'm too young for this, this pain is my addictive drug.
With the needle, I inject myself in the same spot.
I haven't overdosed yet, I wish I could stop.
You will never understand me. I can hardly understand myself.
Your tears that I've wiped away, was MY cry for help.
Yet again, I fall into the pains of your soul.
The pain that's within in you, now has me out of control.
So I give you my heart because your wasn't there.
All I wanna do, is prove to you I care.
I knew I was killing myself deep inside.
If loving and giving you my all was suicide. No doubt I was ready to die.
And did die, each and every time I gave you my heart.
Now I'm searching for life, in the midst of the dark.
Can I Live? Or is it time for me to rest in peace?
We'll find out if I don't wake up from this sleep.

Love,Live,Life

:::Byron Belle:::

Episode 6: Summer Love

When winter comes in summer, when there's no more forever. Yeah, that's when I'll stop loving you.  I'm sure you heard these words before, and you know it's hard for you to trust them once more. You afraid it all might end, and a broken heart is scared of breaking again. But you've gotta believe me, I'll never leave you. You'll never cry, long as I am there. And I will always be there. You will never be without love.

The burden gets heavier and heavier through each song. I'm still enjoying this beautiful breeze outside. With the next song playing, I just knew that she was going to be the one for me. I feel in love in a matter or months. I became territorial in a matter of hours. Why was my love for her moving so fast. It was just a few months ago, my last left me. She was the one that picked me up.  Right when I was in my prime of writing rhymes. When I blew up in the rap game, she was gonna be the girl I stayed with no matter what. But she was only my summer love........

I just finished my first year in summer school. I wasn't expecting to be in a relationship or even had the thought of girl being in my life. I was about to be in my prime. All I wanted to do was make music with my cousins. Put out a CD and see what happens then.  She was my girl cousin best friend and she wanted to talk to me. I was ecstatic, but at the same time, I wasn't expecting it to go this far. But it did. I was still writing music.  At this point in my life, the music I had in mind was not the music that represented who I was as person. I was one of those guys who was a follower. I got caught in the hype. But after my summer love left, I realized that I needed to find who I was as person.

What happened with us? Well for one, she lives in Boston, but has a house here too. She was supposed to move down here and go to my school and life would be great. The one I would lose my virginity to. She was gonna be my high school sweetheart.  We met once when we first started talking. I was too young to even drive, but that didn't stop me from trying my best to see her.  I never got that second chance until 2 years later. Maybe it was just summer love. I never knew what summer love was or how it worked. But I hate summer love.  You always hope to come back to that special person and pray that it will last. Maybe she will stay closer next year, or the next year. Will she ever stay?  She never moved down here.  She's still in Boston with a new boyfriend. Me? Well I'm still single, but that's life right? My mother always told me that I'll have a hundred girlfriends before I settle down with one. But what she doesn't realize, is that I'm tired. I just want a love that's real. Something that I can feel. A love that last. My relationships haven't last long enough to cherish any good moments. 

I don't even make music anymore, or I haven't made any in a long time. As much as I want to. Maybe she'll come back.  I haven't talked to my cousins in years. One of them is a father now, and I just want to do the music thing on my own. So whenever I find the motivation to do it, I will. But she's no where around for me to write any music.  That reminds me of a song, I heard. The lyrics went like it. Only thing I loved was my music, but bitch, you was my music. and to you stupid fuckin listeners, listen up. ___________ is my woman forever, and she don't give a fuck. I can call her bitch, it's not an insult. So don't make me interrupt this verse again yo! You're like a dream come true, music's a dream come true. I got dreams of music, you wanna see my dream come true?  I guess her and music became my summer love.

This just can't be summer love with you

I guess it was because I'm with who?

I wish just we could be something true.

Like I told you before, I love you.

But not like I used to. Here I stand, on both feet.

I just hope that I can wake up from my sleep.

My dreams slowly kill me, because I dream of her.

Why do all these women, wanna throw the good guy in the dirt?

Maybe I'm jerk. But deep down inside, like you, I'm tired of being hurt.

All I wanted to do was see you, even if it was just for 5 minutes of my life.

If you didn't know, that would have made my day or night.

Like the music that I listened to, I just can't love it anymore.

I can't even remember what we were fighting for.

If it wasn't love, what could it be? Maybe I'm still asleep.

Can someone please pinch me? Maybe I'll find peace through my tragic nightmares.

The way I feel about love? I don't even wanna be here. Be I don't care.

Until I press play, then I am me again with a simple smile on my face.

Laughing at my past, and thanking God that I'm still here.

I may not be as strong as I used to be, my mind heart is finally clear.

Love, Live, Life

:::Byron Belle:::